Last post about our recent bovine visitor, I promise!

When we discovered on Friday that a drowned cow had somehow attached itself to the underside of our dock, I reached for a common resource: the crowd-sourcing answers on Facebook. I first asked the Smith Mountain Lake resident’s group:

Then I shared the post with my friends to get their take on the whole thing. And did I! It received 100 comments, many of which expressed sympathy for the cow or concern about the situation, but listen, my friends are funny. People uploaded a number of à propos GIFs, including the Jed Clampett “What in tarnation?” from Lorenda.

As well as a link to that Top Gear episode where the fellas were visiting the American south and that wag Jeremy Clarkson tied a dead cow to the top of his car, from Chris L.

Also, a lot of commentary:

“You like your steaks REALLY rare,” observed Michael H.

“Did the cow know you don’t even eat meat??” – Ilham, who knows me well.

“If this is what happens when you move out of [your former neighborhood], we’ll be staying here forever” – former neighbor Dan S., seconded by Kristin S.’s “You got that right.”

“Hope you get to moooove it soon” – Cathy C.

“VA more TX than TX?” – from native Texan Seán C.

“That’s not exactly the right way to marinate beef.” – Derek T.

“Anne, you don’t live in Fairfax anymore, do you? I need to keep up better.” – Karen T.

“Holy cow!” – Robin M.

“So, you’re saying he moooo-ved along? Can’t see hide nor hair of him? I’m milking this for all it’s worth. It’s udderly awful. We all hope she has moseyed along and she won’t be ‘herd’ from again. You made it seem very amoosing, though!” – Beth H., who was clearly bovinely inspired, with the cow as her muuuuuse.

“Rich ecosystem in your lake there!” observed science-minded Ilse

“Should you decide to form a bluegrass band, Boathouse Buzzards would be a great name.” – Danny C.

“Anne you get instant country street cred if you form a bluegrass band,” Tosh, who added, “Welcome to the country!”

And there was some on-point advice:

“If you get an invitation to the Appalachian Power hamburger cookout, I suggest you politely decline.” – also Danny C.

“Dear James Reynolds, You may want to cross ‘Tri-County Lake Administration’ off the list of potential summer employers” – concerned auntie Sarah E.

Most of the neighbors in the lake’s residents’ group had sincere (and ultimately, very helpful!) suggestions, but also some wit:

Terry B. echoed Jim’s preferred solution to the dilemma: “Call in the catfish.”

“BBQ?” offered Bob T.

“Go heavy on the smoke flavor,” advised Jim C. He got more specific: “When you grind your hamburger you mix in some country sausage to hide the flavor, as do many deer hunters when they grind venisonburger- 😎

And upon learning that the cow had moved on: “Well, phooey. I was going to suggest dynamite, Anne.” – Betsy A., who, as part of Lake Writers, has an eye for a plot twist.